


Backtrack

by thecosmogirl



Category: Degrassi, Degrassi the Next Generation
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-13
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2019-01-16 23:36:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12352857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecosmogirl/pseuds/thecosmogirl
Summary: I'm late and I might be too late and I'll admit I'm never on time but I was always so insecure and I always needed help but now I see it's flipped and not that you need help but I want to take care of you, grow together, be with you again. I'm ready to do this. SeanEmma present-day. Also sprinkled with a bit of Jay/Manny and Spinner/Darcy and other surprises.





	1. Chapter One: Midnights and Cups of Coffee

Chapter One

Midnights & Cups of Coffee

The bells on the door jingle as a figure trudges in to the warmth of The Dot, the neighborhood eatery at closing time on a Saturday night. The streets were bare aside from a few cars; it's at this time that Emma typically closes down shop and goes home.

She carefully picked up a cup left behind at a table to send to the back. Focused on her craft she didn't really budge making sure she didn't drop anything. She often believes it's not a normal workday if at least one mug breaks.

No sooner she goes to acknowledge the person standing before her and was about say the words that everybody hates, "sorry, we're closed".

She then carefully glanced at the man standing by the door as if she wanted to shout their name out, as if she recognized them but the words didn't come out. Frozen. Solid.

She stood there stock still, frozen in shock; in disbelief she dropped the coffee cup that was in her hands heard it shatter and did nothing.

Quickly, the moment the cup slid from her hands he lunged forward into the light inches from her. He missed the cup shatter by seconds as it had fallen on the hardwood and shattered, her eyes darted toward him instantly, and her eyes narrowed as if it was a dream, her head cocked, "Sean?"

"In the flesh." He said sheepishly uncomfortably combing his hand through his cropped hair. He looked different, mature even wearing turtleneck sweater much like the one he wore on their disastrous first date. The chance of even recounting the detail was perplexing the detail was something that brought her comfort a feeling, a place, a moment she hadn't thought of in years.

He looked different to her but it was no way he was anybody else but Sean. He just looked older, perhaps taller, more refined.

He was muscular, tall and wearing a nice winter jacket made of brown leather and looked by all definition of the word hot. It was winter and Degrassi was back to its 30-degree freeze. Sean was as handsome as always but much more grown up. His trademark look jeans just a little more refined with this relaxed fit and a gray pair of converses. He awkwardly flashed her a winning smile showing his dimples in an effort to fill the silence.

Emma was happy. She imagined this moment for a long time she just never expected it to be this moment, in this place at this time. "It's really you." She was in a trance-like state the silence filled the time with thoughts and recounted memories bubbling up to the surface of their minds. Just the sole need of wanting and needing the other to be there but simply just recounting all the reasons with them was more than enough to bear. It was in that moment that all the things you'd want to say, like "why?" or all the things you'd imagine you'd want to say just vanish and all you hear is the silence.

Emma's been sort of hopelessly dreaming of this moment since he left nearing four years ago, shrugging it off like something that would never happen dreaming about it since the moment he left and now she's thinking, never say never.

"You look good. Really good." Sean said looking around searching for the words to say.

"Likewise." Emma answered still entranced.

Emma was wearing a pair of slate gray leggings and a lavender tunic. Her long flowing hair was tied up in a hair-tie with loose curls.

Six months ago she began seizing control of The Dot. Product of an amicable split between her and Spinner leaves her with managing the place that holds over a thousand memories both good and bad. She never thought she'd ever say she loved her job until she began owning it. Emma and Sean were the first customers at The Dot when it opened the summer before freshman year. Sean eyes around the empty café. "I uh like what they've done to the place. It looks unrecognizable . . . no red décor, bricks. . Looks very clean, very you."

"Well I had a hand fixing it. We had a fire a few years back, so we rebuilt it from the ground up. It was my first day. Sounds like a bad omen huh?"

Emma oversaw the construction that followed the big fire, since Spinner took ownership of the space The Dot was sort of Emma's baby. It distracted her from the cracks that formed within their marriage. For a time it even saved their marriage during the early period as they worked together, hired employees and got it up and running again. Peter even opened the attic back up again and they raked in more business. The Dot was their lively-hood until personal problems; his insecurities and jumping in so early made their marriage somewhat of a bumpy road that eventually ran off the rails. It was mostly trust that contributed to the cause of things to crumble. The only thing they could have cited on the papers was, irreconcilable differences.

When they were splitting the assets up during the divorce he gave it to Emma as his parting gift because he knew she loved it and that The Dot had held a special place in her heart. Spinner didn't want to divorce though he agreed to it.

He couldn't bear to come back to a place that holds so much significance to the girl he married but hardly ever knew.

"You like?" Emma spun around proudly modeling the new look of the restaurant.

"I do like." Sean nodded looking down at the broken ceramic that he was half tempted to clean up his hand hovering over it, "Has Spinner been around? I was uh hoping to see him. Sorry about the cup."

"I shouldn't be so clumsy." Emma scrambled to change the subject she eyed him reach for the shards of ceramic, "Let me give you a hand with that." Emma called as she walked to the back to get a dustpan and a boom. She added when she finally emerged seconds later, "Wouldn't want you cutting your hand."

"I didn't expect to see you here tonight, in here, in town working. Hey weren't you in college?" Emma began sweeping as he asked her some valid questions.

"Let's just say Smithdale didn't work out. I'm going to the community college now."

"Poly science not for you?"

Emma stopped what she was doing and thought of not explaining herself on this particular occasion on why things didn't work out with her and school. School had never been a problem for her; she was a great part of Sean's successes. She was successful herself.

"Not that necessarily I just wasn't feeling it away from home."

"Oh you missed your mom huh?"

"It wasn't like home if that makes any sense. Everyone was so gung ho, even I was gung ho about going to Smithdale with my best friends but in reality I don't think I was ready to leave home behind yet."

Before Smithdale, Emma had never been away from home more than a few days. It was an easy and welcomed transition for both Manny and Liberty to get away from their homes with their overprotective fathers and more than willing to indulge into the wonder that is college. She tended to need something to lean on.

When she discovered she wasn't going to be rooming with them, she freaked and made every arrangement possible to get them to room together like they had always wanted and planned to thinking that would get her to ease her uneasy. It worked for a while, then Kelly came into the picture and that was another ball game. Emma added, "I guess wanted to be close to home. Manny and Liberty are still there and I visit them every now and then. I take classes at TU. I just think I got overwhelmed, out of place and then my crusader ways came back and I started attending school less and less until I went on this biking excursion and . . I got myself kicked out. No motivation at all what so ever. I never thought I'd be like school isn't for me because I was always good at.

She turned around, to look at him again and pulled him into a tight hug, "Sorry for not doing this sooner. I just - I'm glad to see you. I never thought I'd see you again after everything," Emma paused swallowing hard, "the way you left they way I left things sort of up in the air."

"You should know since we're venturing down this conversation, you're the reason I uh came back home. I told you that I would and if I remember correctly you told me I shouldn't make that promise."

A coy smile played on her lips. "I know I just I guess couldn't deal if something were to happen to you. Did you happen to get any of my letters?"

"Every last one. I was expecting one recently but I guess you've been busy keeping up with the place which by the way looks great."

For the year she was married she didn't write Sean until it was over, she knew Spinner wouldn't have fared well if he knew she was still speaking to Sean. Spinner had major trust issues. Most of the destruction in their marriage had to do with his insecurities that would eat away, if a male customer or a new trainee got too close to Emma he would be found asking her in the bed they shared if she'd ever cheat on him.

When Emma is in something that her heart was into the answer was no but in this case she wasn't sure so bringing Sean into the equation the answer would be yes and she in her heart of hearts could never put Spinner through something like that again.

You can't just dive head first into something like marriage following a major blow like what happened between him and Jane because it doesn't end pretty. "I'm sorry. Can I get you anything?"

"Just a cup of joe would be nice. Just cream, maybe some vanilla flavoring?"

Emma snickered at that comment as vanilla bared some significant memory but she had beaten him to the punch. Emma got creative on one of those late nights where she stayed at The Dot and was mixing flavors and coffee grounds and made a new one all her own. "So tell me, Sean how's life, I've talked enough about myself. You seem just so . . grown. I-I just see this whole new Sean emerging. I can't deny that I like it."

Emma put her apron back on and took to the coffee machines and put on a nice roast. "This rost is a vanilla rost, it's my personal favorite, and it even smells like it."

"I'll take it. How much?"

"On the house." Emma grabbed the coffee she wanted to show him, "Smell?"

His eyes closed as the smell wafted, fragrant a familiar smile was brought back to him, a smell of comfort. "Vanilla."

"I figured you'd like it." Emma sort of went to work with prepping to make the coffee. She likely wouldn't stay open or serve at this late of an hour but Sean was an exception, an old friend. Even if she were at home she'd make him a coffee, heck she'd even make him something with meat even if is against her wishes.

Sean sighed, "To answer your question, I just know I've been blessed with a lot of things, things I took for granted when I was young. The stressful things I wish I didn't sweat before. Real world is tough."

In his pause she said, "Couldn't agree with you more. I think you had your normal worries in your life but I think you've more than overcame them."

"It wasn't worth it to stress myself over every little thing I ever did because I never got to smell the soil, or appreciate the little things like coffee there weren't moments like that in the army. All I did was cling to those little things that I never truly appreciated but always loved." Sean offered a smile that Emma wordlessly returned, when the roast was finished she poured him and her both a cup and gave him the sugar and the creamer.

He added, "It was very much rigid but at the same time it was the best thing that could've ever happened to me and I needed that kick in the pants. I needed that to remember what was truly important to me, how to provide for my goals and ambitions and you were the one who always believed that I could do something about. Mr. Simpson too."

"I remember I didn't want you to go, for my own selfish reasons but I'm glad you got what you needed. School wasn't for you and I shouldn't of held on too tight because I guess thought I needed you. We did leave things kind of on a sour note I mean I try not to think of that but instead try to think of the good things. . but I just felt like I was the one talking all the time and you . . were always in this deep deep thought and I wish I knew what you felt for me."

"The same as I do today. I was never honest with this though, I owed it all to you. You intimidated me you were so smart. I never felt good enough for you. Like I didn't deserve you. Like you were this perfect princess and I was this prisoner locked in a tower who didn't deserve you. I was always down on myself. I used to think we were so different but I don't now. We both wanted the same thing but I was too chickenshit to say anything. There were so many things I should've said to you. There were so many things I wish I did that I don't know if I could change."

"It was you who I wanted to be beside when those things come to fruition it's just you Emma. I guess I needed the distance to wise me up. I guess I needed to see the world. Whatever it was, every step of the way I loved you. I don't know when, I don't know where it started and I don't know why I never said it before. It was somewhere between when you announced to our English class you got your period and between the time I wrestled that gun from rick and we just hugged there for awhile as uncomfortable as I was to be that pillar to just hold you there. That hug affected me. My life would never be the same and that I wanted you there. It was a complicated time for both of us and I sometimes feel I let you down so you were the first person I wanted to see when I came back that year. I wanted to tell you then and I had so many opportunities."

He paused while Emma just stood there mesmerized in silence she had never heard him say things like this, at all, about anything or anyone. What could she possibly say? What could she possibly say to rebut or follow such a confession, how could he have kept this from her for so long? Had she always known? Were they both just far too stubborn to admit the truth?

"I knew then I wanted to be more than I was but I just needed the tools to survive the small things. I wanted to tell you it was going to be all right. I just thought you knew I guess. It's going to sound strange but I loved you before I even knew what love was. I never felt that way before but I knew it was the feeling that everyone wants and that I always wanted. I never thought I ever had, you know with my parents. I know I had this terrible knack of screwing things up though, when I hurt you when we went out. I know that wasn't me, my lifestyle but my unfortunate actions that broke your heart." Sean sighed; he wiped his eyes with his hands.

"I know you've seen other people before. I know you've been hurt again. You're not alone. I won't be hurt if you reject me right now. I just feel like I owe it to you. I don't care if you're forty and fat, I don't care if you have eight chins I don't care if your boobs are bee stings or as large as mountains your heart made me into the person I am now and I know I'm late and I might be too late and I'll admit I'm never on time but I was always so insecure and I always needed help but now I see it's flipped and not that you need help but I want to take care of you, grow together, be with you again. I'm ready to do this."


	2. Chapter Two: Confessions

Chapter Two

Confessions

A wave of emotions filled her. Her eyes welled and one blink would result in the tears pouring from her eyes, she was moved by anything he had to say. If it was the phone book she'd be moved by how he would name every name. There were millions of things she wanted to say but all she could feel is how much is a failure her romantic life is a big giant dead end that would only lead to heartbreak for both of them.

"I'm unlovable, Sean." It was beautiful though what he said and after all it was what she had always been dreaming of and it was everything she wanted to hear. She just wish she knew before but he had beat her to that punch by apologizing for that delay. Everything that she didn't feel she was worthy of. Not anymore.

"How could you say that?" Sean furrowed.

"Is there any wonder I'm alone? Isn't that proof enough? I've pushed everyone away. It's arguably what I do best." Emma wiped the bottom of her eyes with her hand, "I wouldn't say Liberty and I were ever truly close and Manny I haven't talked to them in months. I didn't know how to tell you this and I don't know how you'll react because – God knows last time a bombshell was brought to you how you'd react now."

"What you pregnant or something?"

Emma shook her head somewhat amused by Sean's hopeless attempt to lighten the subject, he would probably think up another reason because he still saw things good about her. He had to know the truth though as sad and depressing as it is. "Truth is I was married before.

Sean spat out his coffee in reaction. Her eyes widened, surprised that he didn't walk right out the door and she wordlessly pulled out the chamois rag near the latte station and cleaned up the mess quickly throwing the now soiled rag in the sink.

"I was drunk in Niagara Falls."

Sean laughed.

"You're really laughing? It's not funny."

"It's just unexpected is all. Unexpected of you."

"Ever since I was a little girl I wanted this perfect wedding that would later unfold into this perfect marriage, with perfect everything picket fences and cooking food, cuddling on the couch, no arguments possibly a dog or something. Here I am and I don't even remember my wedding. We almost annulled the stupid thing. Truthfully I don't know why I didn't but I just was tired of being alone. I hate myself because I used to judge people for making some bozo decision like that and I did something like that myself! I sound like a giant hypocrite. I just never imagined that stuff for me. Look who I used to be. Now look at me, flunked out of college, distant from life long friends and now this black stain on my life being divorced from a guy I did a science project with when I was in the eighth grade cleaning up after a fire I caused trying to help him get over his ex girlfriend I didn't even know her or him for that matter. The stranger served me food for years, barely said eight words to me aside from would you like more bread sticks or another soda here and there but yet was suddenly my husband. I slept beside a stranger for six months. I just feel so stupid." Emma swallowed hard as her tears fell freely, "You don't know me anymore, Sean and the Emma you used to know . . . "

"Is still there. Always fixating on being perfect and you are perfect . . . you know I'll never think of you any different. Who were you married to?"

Emma sniffled nervously as she was making a cyclone of her coffee with the spoon and looked at him point blank, "Tell me Sean, who did you come in here looking for?"

Bewildered Sean questioned, "Spinner?"

Emma turned around not facing him, taking a sip of her coffee, "Believe me, I wanted to write you. What could I have said?"

Sean hesitated, "I understand. I do."

Emma sat on the chair, and held on to her cup, "I wrote you letters all the time. Some I never even bothered sending. Then, I thought maybe this whole wedding was a mistake because I halfway hoped that maybe if you did come to it you'd . . stop it. Snap me out of this crazy thing. I just thought that wasn't something you'd want to hear about, I wanted to even invite you to our friends and family wedding but I knew I couldn't face you with that decision you'd tell me I was being stupid I didn't listen to anybody I just didn't want to be alone but I didn't think I'd feel even worse knowing I know nothing about him. He just wasn't enough for me. He was so nice to me and he was polite, respectful and never wanted to make waves. He was a good person but I didn't deserve that because I settled for it even if it's not in my heart. I wanted to get married so bad because I fucked up college and it would take my mind off it, ease that disappointment but I feel like the ink barely dried on the license before I realized that too was a mistake. I should have known. We butt heads a lot, I made him hate me I pushed him away. I'm no good, Sean."

"Emma, I don't care I don't. I assure you I can live with the fact, I do live with that fact and you know what it doesn't change how I feel because I felt this for so long. I don't care what you did. I know once I overreacted. . when I got mad when I wasn't even with you when you hooked up with Jay. I know. . and I feel terrible about that still. When I was deployed you were the main motivator. Better myself and I'd find my way to you again."

"Sean guess who cares? I do! Because it was my mistake and I guess . . I don't know anymore. All I ever wanted was you, Sean. A-and then when I did find something it just reinforces everything I ever felt since I was twelve. A-and assume you never walked in here tonight or if he was here instead of me you would've found out through him you would've hated me. I would've never known your feelings. Honestly I thought you were going to walk out as soon as I told you the truth. It's exhausting. I thought I was dreaming when you came in here. Heck, I think I might be dreaming this very moment. I thought I'd never see you again. But I can't lie to you, I can't turn off my feelings for you but I know you deserve to hear it from nobody but me. I used to be scared to tell you things. You held your feelings for me inside of you, I was the reason you pushed yourself as hard as you did but I'm not worthy of your affections. I'm not worthy of this love you have for me because I don't have love in me! I'm ruined, I'm weak! I should have just waited for you but I grew tired of that because I thought you'd never come back to me or that I'd ever see you again. I tried to move on, yeah lasted a few months . . I just still felt for you and it felt all wrong."

"But you do have love in you, Emma. You wouldn't say these things just to say. Maybe you don't believe it because you have it complicated. We have always had this complicated thing and yeah it sucks because it's never worked out but I still see it and you love me so you have love. . but if you don't walk to talk about this stuff, I understand that too."

After a long pause, Emma took a sip of her coffee, "Try it."

Sean took his cup and took a sip, "Delicious." He blushed sighing, "I understand."

"I know you do." Emma just smiled.

"Since I should have closed things down here and closed awhile ago, why don't we get out and take a walk when we finish our coffee? Where are you staying?"

"I'm staying at Jay's, temporarily until I find an apartment."

"To answer your question about Spinner for the record I have no idea where he's been for the past six months but between you and me I'm sort of worried though. Off the record I know I shouldn't be because I told him to go because I was angry at how it all ended up. That it would be best if he left town so I could heal. I just didn't think he'd actually follow through with it. I didn't want to be alone but I didn't want to be with him. Seeing the way we left things it was him who was still wanting this marriage and I wanted out. I mean, no call no anything to me but I understand why but for Jay? His best friend it's just plain weird. I know he's alive just . . doesn't want to be contacted. He's told me he hasn't a clue where he's been either and he hasn't contacted our friends but he's distant like me but completely cut off from everything and everyone."

"I'm sure he's fine. Maybe he got out-of-town and took a trip or something."

"I have no idea." Emma shook her head wearily, "I just hope he's happy. I feel like it's my fault that it ended."

Emma was sure Sean wasn't really paying attention during the silence that followed as she grabbed the dishrag she managed to playfully throw it at his head, bewildered he pulled it from him and laughed, his laugh was so loud it filled the room, even less conviction and half-joking he asked, "You want to mess with me? I'm big trouble."

Sean playfully tossed the rag back to her, which she caught with her face as well.

She was overcome with laughter, Sean followed suit and then finally she spoke, "It's funny. I haven't thought of that in years, it makes me kind of happy."

Sean got over his bought of laughter and smiled, "It makes me happy too. I've missed you."

Emma looked at him. "You know I've always missed you every time you'd go away and I was . . . you scared me when you came back. I didn't expect it at all. Still got the picture?"

Sean went into his wallet and pulled out two images, the one from the infamous first date, the one with them much older. She remembered the later - that day like it was yesterday. He asked her to take that photo with him. She treated it like it was the last time she'd ever see him and it scared her more than it let one. She wanted to make it count. No guy ever came close to what she had with Sean; he was in a class by himself.

Emma has always had a knack to fall hard and fall fast, probably stemming from her life without a father before finally accepting the truth about her biological father and accepting Archie as her father. Even after she grappled with constants or people she thought would be constantly there. When she was with Damien she appreciated his smarts but quickly she regrets ever dating him, with Chris she liked his smooth flirtatious ways and his music they would give one another burned cds as anniversary presents he would listen to her music and she was listening to his music and sometimes he would get his brother to teach him how to make mixes and mashups of the two sometimes they were sworn hits and others were misses completely and Kelly was a lot like her but much more relaxed they were homebodies away from home and arguably better friends than they ever were while they were together. Ultimately everything she thought Kelly was in fact wasn't true at all. He kept her sane during school but at the end of the day she was too much for him and she leaned on him too much forgetting he had insecurities too, Jay was a vulnerable time for her but he had this gleam in his eyes regardless if he was acting sincere. Their interaction back stage after her last scene in Dracula was really telling on how he thought of her. He even thought she was Little Miss Perfect with a virtuous nature to her. She never thought that way about any aspect of her life she knew she had a lot of people's impressions of her or assumed perceptions of her and in this, she was confused. No one ever tapped that part of her mind.

There's always this sense of knowing with the others that she never had with Sean. With Peter he used to wine and dine her, treated her like a princess, a trophy but there wasn't love there it was this substitute for that. She felt like she owed him for how he stuck by her through her eating disorder and she was waiting on bated breath for her to be betrayed by him at the same time. They weren't fun, the job wasn't easy with her few relapses during stressful times.

In the years that followed high school and later college, Jay and Emma have actually become friends, real true friends possibly even platonic best friends. They talk daily. When Emma got married to Spinner she started spending a lot of time with Jay with and without Spinner. At first it was a strange transition but it started to become more natural especially when things started to go south in the marriage. She would trust enough to confide in him about things and try to get him to talk to Spinner about things to get things to get better. Oddly enough, they never touched on their high school experiences except that he thought she was really pretty and a good person even though he made fun of her a lot, and when she went to the car races she looked hot but besides that the talk of the ravine was pretty much off-limits. He helped her realize her ultimate feelings on Sean, Spinner and other things in her life. Since Manny isn't around so much, he became her substitute Manny and thus in that becoming one of her best friends.

Sean always stuck out and not because he was her first love. First loves never truly die, neither do first heart breaks and he's up there in that ranking. The first of those things makes it so significant, after Sean the relationships crash and burns. Things were never simple, always something complicated, there was unexplored and unfinished business and undiscovered territory always with Sean, always unwritten because true love is never said to expire but although it retained all that was familiar to her it was somehow shiny and new each time they'd meet. There was never a dull moment when they get together, never boring.

"I made you dig through the trash, and you still liked me." Emma reminisced eyeing the picture, "Also looks like I got in a fight with a crimper and lost."

"I thought the crimps were cute. Is that what they're called the 'zig zags' in your hair?"

"Oh my, I'm wearing overalls like Liberty used to." Emma switched her gaze to Sean and beamed, "I see young Sean loves turtlenecks, and look, something's never change."

Sean looked down at his attire, and pulled on his turtleneck, "Excuse me, Emma but I'll have you know its cold out."

"Not what I meant look what you're wearing in the picture, silly. Always so serious."

Sean snickered, "How about that. Funny story, I remember I came home that day and I told Tracker. Actually I told him about two or three days earlier that I wanted to ask you out but I didn't know how so I asked him for advice and he said, " Sean mimicked Tracker, "You want to look like a stud right? Wear this. I figured then I needed advice, on how to ask you. So I sat and rehearsed it in my mind. I thought of like bringing up some like big point I was going to say something like, You movies with me 6:30, I mean I had so many I was going with but I threw 'em all out the window."

"Yep and I hadn't the slightest clue what you meant. I didn't know if it was a date or not. I couldn't believe someone other than Toby Issac's would ever be interested in me. I was boy kryptonite."

"So I heard you asked around what I meant by hang out. I didn't want to say go out because then I was afraid you'd ask where, why or no. By saying hang out I kind of left it open so you'd say yes."

"Like I would've said no though, Sean. I was practically dying on the inside. Oh boy did I ever have it bad for you." She playfully nudged his arm.

"Then you attacked me at gym class . . ." Sean trailed off.

"Only because I thought you were cancelling, because when I asked you something about it you were like Uh yeah . . like you were about to bail."

"You intimidated me! What can I say?" Sean explained, "You were just . . So up front and I was so . scared of you."

"I was four-foot nothing and I was so not scary, Sean. That date though was by far my most embarrassing moment in the world."

"What was more embarrassing than bird poop? Or the part where you lost your wallet?"

"Both. I felt really bad when I realized I had it on me. I thought you'd never want to date me again."

"Tracker said that it'd be okay, just talk to you on Monday and I did. Tracker really rooted for us."

Emma smiled, and asked resting her head on her arm leaning her elbow on the counter, "How's he doing anyway?"

"I actually just visited him, he's doing really good, arguably the best he's been in a long time. Owns a Goodyear in Washington in the States. Got a nice chunk of change, he's pretty set. Does some side-work on friends cars and he also puts out ads in the classifieds for people who need car help for relatively cheap. He's got a little boy whose I think about 6 with his fiancé but I think they're married he said when I was at war, her name is Wendy who I don't know if you ever met but they met out somewhere drinking and I didn't expect anything to come out of it but they really clicked. Love at first sight they complete each others sentences and I think Tracker has become a better person with her."

"I'm happy for him."

"Yeah, me too." Sean grinned, "I mean for the three years he had to put up with my shenanigans I figured he deserves that sort of family dynamic that he never had, I never had growing up. I'd want that for my future children too even if my future children wind up being a pet like a big awesome springer spaniel."

"Like Charlie?"

"Like Charlie. How do you remember that? We only talked about Charlie like once."

"I remember a lot of things you'd tell me. I pay attention when you'd talk. I remember Media Immersion room, you were working on homework and you did your project on Springer Spaniels. You told me about how you missed him and how he was and that his name was Charlie. It was one of the moments I realized I really liked you because it was a side of you I didn't see before. You were smiling there. Your eyes were bright, it was this glimmer of hope in you that always was so clouded by whatever else was going on with you. It was something else." Emma's cup was finished, she noticed she had been pretty much half paying attention to her coffee so several minutes had gone by with them strolling down memory lane. "You done your cup?"

Sean looked down at his, "Actually yes."

Emma looked at the clock, it was almost eleven and it was later than she intended stay this late if she wanted to get to sleep if she wanted to pick up so groceries in the morning. After that she'd decide if she wanted to get to her nightly ritual Netflix and ice cream before drifting off to sleep. Tonight was different and she was feeling particularly adventurous, "Let's just put our cups in the sink clean 'em and get out of here. I should have left hours ago. We can take a walk or something."

Sean followed Emma's cue, and put his cup in the sink, rinsed it out and put it in the rack to dry. "I'd like that." Sean put his hand out to her for her to hold, "Where to miss?"


	3. Chapter Three: Memory Lane

Chapter Three

Memory Lane

Sean and Emma walked in the park surrounded by trees with a black top path illuminated by tall, well-lit gas lanterns lighting the way. The park itself wasn't far away from the main road and was about a stones throw away from the back lot behind The Dot and is well-known as a popular destination for picnics and even contained a tiny playground for children that was empty as expected at this time of night. The trails led into the woods and if you came to the park early enough you'd see the joggers getting in some exercise before they start their busy day. It was late, the night was starry and it was just them, which was nice, refreshing to just be able to walk at their own pace. His hands were in his pockets and her hands were hugged around herself in trying to keep warm, she was wearing a black cardigan sweater that wasn't exactly doing the trick but she wasn't complaining. The conversation continued the evening through with Sean questioning, "So tell me what's it like being the boss?"

"Fortunately for me, I come in when I want since we have managers and others who work under me and staff on hand. I just own everything and I meet with them to see what products are moving or what needs to stay and what needs to go. I want it to be a place where people who are young can have some pocket change to go out and do things and just be kids. Have what experience I had when I used to go there. I try to come in at least a few times a day," Emma answered modestly.

Sean offered some sentimental upside to the perks of being your own boss. "Can't argue with free coffee right?"

"Free coffee, " She stated in agreement, "That too. Definitely a perk. Also, structure. Structure in my life is good something I never really thought about until I started there. I'm financially safe so it's just another plus. Nobody's really asked me about that heck, I don't really talk too much anyone except strangers who come and go and the employees. I try to make it fun by having different events and adding new things and customization to the menu."

Sean liked to hear her talk about her business that she made it all right, even if it was without him. He knew she could do it all by herself, but he needed to be gone for her to realize that. Even though she was missing him, she still managed. It may not have been the ideal but it's still secure. He just wished that even though he is happy for her, that he could have been there for that just to see it all happened for her to dive head first. Even apart they both did things that shaped them into who they are today. "That's really nice, Emma. I'm happy you found something. You're not a failure."

"I appreciate that."

"Local artists sometimes will hang their artwork up in hopes someone might buy it or just simply admire it from their seats. It brings new life to it changes the experience. We recently sold a painting for like $500 dollars. Some bigwig rich guy bought it for his summerhouse. It was huge. I didn't expect it to go but it did. A barista named Fitzgerald who worked here with us painted it during a tough time in his life while he was in juvenile detention for bringing a knife to school. When he came asking about a job I thought to myself whom should I be to stand in his way to better his life. I just can't see him doing anything like that, he's this nice kid."

"Not destructive like Rick you mean?"

Emma nodded with hesitation, "Right I mean Rick was a complicated story there was always something wary about him. There were times when you didn't understand how he would tow a gun into school and others where you could see him breaking down in this big way. For a while I blamed myself for that because I was unkind to him. One of the last things I said to him before the showdown in the hallway was something awful."

"He was just so . . chilling. I spent a long time making sense of it and it was pretty senseless and I really don't like to think about it. I just knew that there was a good reason to leave him alone until he started messing with my friends that is."

"I don't either, but I do know one thing." Emma looked at him and her hand managed to grace his, "I wouldn't be standing here now if you didn't think fast."

Sean hesitated for a moment and tightly grasped her hand tighter, "How'd you know?"

"I know you better than you know yourself. You've wanted to do that since we left The Dot."

"That's scary alright? Stop doing that."

Emma continued laughing audibly, "It's easy."

"How do you do that, then? I want to know your secrets."

"Body language." She replied, "it says a lot about your behavior and what you're thinking and feeling. I sense I make you a little nervous. Genuine that's why I believe in you. Everything you said back there completely and utterly honest. Look, I can't help it. I'll stop talking about it though if you'd like. It won't stop me from analyzing you though."

"Well you must like what you see then, right?" Sean asked.

"Yes. I do like what I see. You look good. I thought I said that already."

"Thanks. I had to be in shape and stuff of course." Sean flashed his winning smile really built up by Emma's unspoken compliment, "I'd work out almost 7 hours a day."

"I've never seen this side of you. I think we've talked more than we ever did this night over any other night in our lives."

"It was a much-needed catch up . . it's really telling."

They stopped walking and just looked at each other under the light of the gas lanterns that adorn the park about half way down the park they had strolled slowly catching up on little things, oddities and memory lane. A light wind had let the small waves on Emma's hair waft from side to side and the long loose cardigan she held tight to her body with her other arm, "Cold?"

"Extremely," when she spoke her teeth started to clatter. Living in the moment though she didn't care about being cold that they were just enjoying the company.

Sean offered her his jacket, taking it off and Emma can see the fruit of his labor in the weight rooms on his military base, she avoided that familiar blue eyed gaze but beamed still, and wordlessly agreed to the inquiry as he draped the jacket over her shoulders and Emma adjusted it. Although oversize on her slender frame and heavy from it's material on her shoulders she slid her thin arms into it's sleeves but to the untrained eye you couldn't see they were even inside, a shy thank you escaped from her lips.

"I feel like sort of an ass for not seeing you were cold sooner, I just like really got caught up in conversation."

"So did I." Emma confessed shrugging taking in the warmth of the jacket, "I had forgotten how cold I was myself, no apologies it's fine."

Sean paused and walked facing her his back to the path ahead, "It's funny, I had played out our first meeting since my leaving since it happened. I'll say that none of them I ever thought of would end up like this. I had thought you would have told me to leave when you did see me."

"I would never -"

"And then I thought you wouldn't but then I would because I couldn't take what you'd say back to me. Which prepared me for any outcome, good or bad and -"

"I imagined things too. ." She sort of trailed off, "I didn't expect it to happen this way at all."

"I see so much in you that's lovable, Emma."

"Really now, like what?"

"Like for instance you're gorgeous tonight in this light. You look beautiful." Sean avoided her gaze which while he was looking down at his feet she was looking at him; they alternated from time to time. It wasn't awkward, it wasn't weird it was just how they operated. They made each other giddy like the teenagers they had been and the teenage quirks they never quite grew out of. That and Emma totally not being able to take a compliment.

"And how you offered me coffee even though you just cleaned up. And how embarrassed you got when you dropped that cup by mistake because I must have scared you when I came in. I just used to dream, day-dream so many times that you'd walk through that door and then when you did I had to know if I was dreaming. Here I am in the cold and I still haven't woken up. Like this new beginning, like serendipity something I never thought could ever happen to me or to us." Emma sighed, "I always thought you'd forget me."

Sean looked her in the eyes, "You're unforgettable. Plus I had pictures of you but I never really needed them because you're permanently ingrained in my memory."

"So are you. I could never forget you either, Sean."

"I have no idea and I don't want to know - where I'd be or what it'd be like without you. You believed in me when not many people did. You helped me see what was it that made you like me so much. Even when we were at odds you wanted what was best for me."

"Remember that summer when you worked on Snake's car?"

"Yeah." Sean said flatly, "I knew I had blown it with you. But you'd give me lemonade and offer me lunch so we were civil. I wanted to apologize about things but we never communicated besides the old 'how's life?' and even then it was very . . tense." Sean thought to himself.

It was in that moment Sean had realized he had truly damaged Emma. Things were never the same between them after they had broken up and he knew she had been disappointed in him. Sometimes disappointment is even worse than anger because while someone could be angry, it does eventually fade because disappointment in someone it never really goes away and it's hard to change the persons changed perception of you once someone is disappointed in you.

The fact that he had stolen from the only people who believed in what was good in him in the heat of the moment or in anger was something that changed their entire dynamic. They went from dating and being best friends to becoming strangers and enemies. She was unable to count on him, trust him and began to hate him and all that the stood for. She wanted revenge. She wanted him gone because he broke her heart and violated her trust and he wouldn't even tell her the truth worst of all. Even if he did, she would have never believed him. She was even surprised when Snake came around and forgave him or at least entrusted in him to fix the family car which had gone awhile without routine fix ups due to him being too busy with being sick all the time that year.

Worst of all after they broke up for real for the first time it was hard for her to see him anywhere like at school, in town and much less her home. She went from practically jumping out of her skin with excitement and warmth when she'd so much as hear him say a single word to her to hatred and anger when she so much of heard anyone say his name. As much as she wished it would all go away, she couldn't. What he had done was something he could never fix. She thought she would never move on. Ironically enough she managed to find someone but they only reinforced that she found it nearly impossible to contain her strong feelings for someone else.

She swallowed her pride that summer did her best to make him feel welcome and knowing what he had done. If Snake could forgive that great of a disappointment so could she. Despite her anger and misplaced hatred for Sean at that time she hadn't looked down upon him because she knew he was better than the rotten crowd he ran with. She decided it was time to let go. It wasn't a time to hold on to the past because life as they knew it was over and it was time to move on. She knew that he wasn't himself when he did all those awful things. Why should she crucify him?

When he finally was able to apologize for all of it in Wasega Beach, she brushed it off, water under the bridge even though the damage had already been done. Saving her life in that hallway on that faithful afternoon more than made up for it. Where they had both been at the same place at the same time was nothing short of a miracle, the miracle that she'd forgive him and be able to say those words to her and really truly mean them because he was seizing that moment that wasn't ever guaranteed.

He had so many chances to tell her how he really felt, but rather show her would have sufficed until he grew the courage to say it. How he always had felt but was afraid, but he never knew why or what exactly he was afraid of by telling her the truth. He thought he would say it when they'd reunite again, he had the speech practically memorized but he discovered she was with Peter and he so much of lost his nerve. Even when he lived at her house for those few weeks after being released from jail they'd sit there in silence just holding one another and not wanting to let go, or at least he remembered not wanting to let go and he wanted to tell her then, finally and make it official but to no avail. He had her and his fears took over. What if she didn't love me too? In retrospect, perhaps he wasn't meant to say it then, they didn't know what was going to happen next. Perhaps she knew his feelings and it was wordless and unnecessary.

"I didn't like who I was, I was never proud of who I was unless I was with you." Sean added, "I went through a time where I fought everything and everyone. Nobody understood me but I didn't exactly give 'em a chance to either. I thought Ellie did but she was too wrapped up in her own messes to even be there for mine and then I even was stupid to think my parents could but I couldn't pile my things on their long laundry list of things.

Jay and his friends liked me. But Jay was different; he liked me you know why? I deafened someone and he was intimidated by me. That's why he initially befriended me. I'll admit it felt good for a while, he referred to me as his type of people."

"Jay, I got him all wrong you know?"

"Are you guys friends?" Sean inquired.

"Of course. When Spinner and I were together we were and then we stayed friends even after. He's like a brother. Even given our bizarre past. How we became friends after we hated each other is beyond me really."

"How is he? I mean I live with the guy but he seems different."

"He is different, he truly fell in love - with Manny. Can you believe it? He's never been that happy in his life. She's like the light of his life."

"What? How did that happen?"

"She love tapped another car, I took her to the garage to get it looked at and he was able to fix it before her parents saw it. I would never sway her different from Tony's." Emma smiled, "Jay said if you ever came back around he'd hire you in an instant, he owns the garage now because Tony retired. He always said you guys made a great team."

"When we were getting along." Sean reiterated Emma's lending hand, "So I guess he asked her out as repayment?"

"Actually she asked him out to dinner with her parents where she was hoping they'd flip out but they actually loved him. Much to her dismay because she was hoping her father would flip. She wanted to attend college for acting and that's why she lived at my place for a while because her dad was totally against it. They had a few bumps in the road, broke up for a time but they're still together and totally not engaged."

"Yesterday, Manny was on the phone with Jay and she said that she'll be back from a shoot next week and that she wants to have drinks. Maybe double up? She so surprised to hear I was back in town."

"Are you sure that was just you looking for an in to ask me if I wanted to have drinks with you?"

"I know you'll say yes." Sean answered confidently, I'm just so -"

"Happy?" Emma offered reaching for his hand that he gleefully accepted.

Sean confirmed breathlessly, "Absolutely happy. How did you do that?"

"I'm happy too. The happiest in a long time. I couldn't tell you when. And I'm analyzing you again."

"Stop that." Sean's hands were on her shoulder, pressing down lightly. "It's weird."

"Stop making it easy." Emma happened to glance down at her wrist and saw what time it was. "What? Is it really almost one?"

"Time flies when you're having fun." Sean said offering her a hand; "I can walk you home if you need to be there."

Tonight Emma feels like doing nothing concerned with sleep. She doesn't care how cold she is. Standing in the dimly lit park with the guy of her dreams brings her so much happiness she could never duplicated sandwiched between a blanket and two pillows in a double bed alone no matter how tired she is at this moment, "No need. I spend so much time sleeping."

"It's so cold I wonder where we could go that's still warm but where we can still be together."

"My place?" Emma asked.

"Way to be forward, Emma Jeez."

"I wasn't Sean, I wanted to show you my awesome house is that so wrong?"

Sean thought about it for a moment, "You're right, so you don't live with your parents?"

Emma shook her head, "Of course not. I got my own apartment one of the first things I got when I moved out on my own." Emma motioned which way to go, "Come on we'll go this way it's not far."


	4. Chapter Four: Warmth

Chapter Four

Warmth

Emma opened the door of her loft with her keys and pulled it open.

Sean was behind her still in suspense until Emma flicked on the lights by the doorway and stepped inside mindlessly tossing the keys on the side table and shut the door behind them.

She had a nice modern entryway section with modern touches white and light seafoam green walls, with many shelves of books, accented mirrors and some framed floral painting and photos littered the home. It was a nice space large space but it was through and through very Emma. She removed Sean's coat once they were both inside, "Thanks again. Take off your shoes make yourself at home."

As Emma stepped into the larger area of the loft, Sean put his hands comfortably in his pocket in trying to warm them up from being cold and taking off his shoes by the door without using his hands.

"So now that we're inside. Let me give you the grand tour."

They stepped in the room separated by a divider had a flat screen television big long inviting couches which were visible from the door, ahead from there was a dining room table and behind them was the kitchen with one of those dividers leading toward the back.

"I watch TV in here but so I have a high top dining room table back there. To the left is the kitchen and follow me the rear is the bathroom for when you decide to go you know where that is."

Sean couldn't help but sheepishly look inside the room across the way from the bathroom as Emma went on about how ecofriendly her bathroom is and what kind of tile she decided to use in the flooring and the bamboo she used for rugs before she noticed him. "What do you think?"

Sean jumped, and looked back at her eying the places he wasn't paying much attention to, "It's really nice in here. I love the green."

"I picked it out, I know I didn't want plain white walls. It's the space I never had."

Emma threw herself backwards onto the huge comfortable couch and impatiently tapped the seat next to her.

Sean politely maneuvered himself beside her stepping around the coffee table and sitting next to her. Emma looked up at him, "You need anything water, snacks, candy? Feel free to raid my fridge."

"I'm fine, that coffee you gave me back at The Dot was plenty enough."

"I'm certainly glad you enjoyed it." Emma grabbed the remote from the coffee table. "Want to watch something? I'll sit up like an adult I promise it's just really comfortable sitting upside-down."

"You can stay where you are."

"You should join me." Wordlessly, Sean maneuvered himself to lay on Emma's large couch facing her not really caring how ridiculous it looked as they laid down face to face, "Would you like a throw blanket?"

"No thanks I'm actually starting to warm up now, How about we play a game? The questions game, it's a lot of fun."

Sean answered back quickly, "But I enjoyed chatting with you, reminiscing." Emma made a fake-sad face causing him to change his tune, "How do you play?"

"Exactly how it sounds." She answered, "Ask a stupid question, and answer a stupid question."

"Are they stupid? Do they have to be stupid?"

"No of course not." Emma answered, "I just figured it would be a great way to catch-up. No questions are off-limits, all must be answered, they can be loaded and no questions are really truly stupid. Must be a question but I don't know how someone could screw that up."

Sean chuckled, "I can start?"

"Of course you can start." Emma said placing the remote on the other side of the couch.

"I don't know how to ask this but I must ask why exactly did you invite me here?"

"What do you mean?" Emma asked feigning insult, "If you're not into this - - I swear there's no ulterior motives here."

"No I mean I just want to know if we're on the same page. If you feel the same."

"Sean, I'm so into this if we're even talking about the same thing."

"So why?" Sean asked.

"Alright, I invited you because first I wanted you to see my apartment, secondly I wanted to spend time with you, catch up hence the game and everything tonight, thirdly I'm used to spending lame nights home alone and we were still having fun, so why stop? Are you not having fun?"

"Fair enough." Sean replied, satisfied with his answers he got back, "and for the record I am having fun."

"I'm glad. Sean question for you is, what made me stand out to you?"

"Easy one. First time we ever met I was about to punch Jimmy Brooks' face in."

She managed to laugh as she held the pillow near her, "Normally I'd never do something like that."

"Bull, you never gave a rats ass what anybody thought of you. Fearless."

"Contrary to what you believe, when I was 12, at that dance, that night I all I wanted was to fit in." Emma confessed thoughtfully. It was the truth. She wanted a night out with her best friend who so happened to be unable to attend due to her strict parents. She was even surprised herself that her mom let her go after it only being a few weeks into her grounding over her almost kidnapping on the night of the big reunion, "Manny couldn't go I was by myself, on my own. I barely knew you, you told me nothing in homeroom you straight up refused to if I remember correctly. I had never danced with a boy before."

"To be fair, I didn't want to be an open book."

Emma sat up and attempts her best impression of him, "I am Sean Cameron and I come from Wasega Beach . . . "

Sean hid his face with mild embarrassment shaking his head wildly his voice muffled, "I don't sound that way!"

When Sean lifted his head, Emma giggled rolling her eyes, "Oh so serious."

Sean said with a smile, "That was cute."

"No it wasn't."

"It was so cute." Sean confirmed, "Same for you what was your first impression of me?"

"I thought you were lonely but hopeful enough to make friends and I thought that you were a major hottie." Emma playfully threw her pillow at him, "but you didn't hear that from me."

Sean laughed, removing the pillow from his face, shaking his head, "Throwing your pillow - It didn't stop me from hearing you say it."

"You want honesty?" Emma questioned as she crossed her arms at her chest still sitting up, "this is me being honest. Don't make fun."

"I won't." Sean jokingly remarked as he rolled his eyes, "it's your turn."

"When we broke up the first time, if we could even call it that - why did you agree to go to the wedding, when Manny invited you?"

"She made-I-I knew this would come up someday!" Sean exclaimed as he answered getting all flustered all of a sudden but quickly added, "She made it seem when she invited me that you wanted me to be there so I didn't feel wrong accepting the invite. Evidently you had no idea. When you found out you were apparently pissed and I thought I was going to have to forget about you again only I never really did. I still held onto this hope that you'd forgive me that year. I can't say I'm surprised that Manny wanted this for you, she knows you better than you know yourself. I think sometimes she's protective and worried for you more than you worry and protect yourself sometimes."

"I always tell her you know, not to worry."

Sean smirked, "What are your defense mechanisms to avoid problems? How are they working out for you? Do you ever get alone?"

"I try to avoid getting close to people anymore. It's just that trusting people comes out to be hard enough. I let Spinner in because I thought that we could make it work. I had dated Kelly for almost a year, the more time we spent together though the more strain it had and then I got married a few months later."

"So? Just avoiding situations that could be good for you in hopes you might be missing out on something else?"

"I don't know though." Emma answered, "I don't know if I have them or maybe it's just all subconscious. I mean I liked them enough or maybe it was the idea of it. When they left however it ends in the end it didn't really matter to me like it never mattered at all. Emma paused, "But with you it's different; it matters. It does when you left and if you leave again I know it will."

Sean looked at Emma and sat up from lying down, "Never. I know it sounds like a load of shit but I don't want to go away." Looking into her eyes now he takes her hands into his and offers a warm smile, "I have everything I could want right here in town. I'm home and besides, I don't think I could ever lose you again."

Emma shakes her head skeptically at him holding his hands tight as he's saying he's not going to leave again, of course he would say that she thought to herself, sometimes he made her so angry because he just knows what to say to make her fall for him. No matter how many years go by, no matter how many times she used to claim to hate him it only would reinforce the fact that she is still every bit as in love with him as she had always been. Nothing has changed at all.

"I don't know if I could handle losing you is the problem. That's why it's important to me that you stay. If you leave or plan to leave you may as well walk out tonight."

"No, I'm staying, for good. The only game I'm playing is for keeps, Emma."

" How do I know you're not just saying this to me today but down the line who's to say you-you'd just go again?"

"I'm just going to need you to trust me, I can't think of anything to say that will make you believe me, but you just have to." He was right about her being unable to trust when it comes to things that are good for her or things that would make her happy sometimes her stubbornness is what ruins good things for herself. She probably would never admit it but she has taken such positive strides in self-realization about various things in her life-like the hypocrisy she judged and ridiculed others about when it was her who had that unfortunate disposition. Sean continued, "I've done everything I've ever wanted to do, some things I never thought I'd do or ever want to do and things I did just for the experience but wish I never did at all but at the end of the day where ever you are is exactly where I want to be. I needed the distance to wise me up I guess; I never wanted to hurt you you've got to believe me. I knew if I didn't go I'd be going nowhere and nowhere fast. I'd be likely living at Jay's sitting on his couch. Only difference is I have means to do things that I didn't have before."

Emma nodded and then looked up at him wide-eyed "I understand what you had to do for yourself. I just wish we didn't have to part ways, I just thought at that time we were going to be together forever. I thought we were going down like this line that I had always wanted for us and I just had thought then you did too. Even after, I struggled finding my place when you were gone because I'd pass your locker and I knew you weren't there but it always hurt those halls used to haunt me because one day you were there and the next you weren't."

"And for that I'm sorry. Hurting you was the last thing I wanted to do."

"I know that but it just sucks I just missed you so much." Emma answered, "Jay and I always talk about you, you know? He's the only person who understands how I feel about you. He keeps me in check though and I'm grateful for that."

"What do you guys say?" Sean smiles.

"Jay assures me that the second you come back to town you'd come and see me."

"Half true."

"Please, you were looking for Spinner … "

"To ask where you been possibly. Possibly get high."

Emma laughed, "So what you get high now?"

"Well it helps me calm down." Sean muttered matter-of-factually avoiding her gaze, "don't judge me."

"Who said I was? I've smoked before no big deal."

"This is a story for another time right?" Sean inquired laughing.

"I partake privately." Emma admits, "In the privacy of my home."

Sean grinning like the Cheshire cat, raising an eyebrow, "Oh really? This night has been very telling."

Emma beams in agreement, "We could have our double cheese nights, except perhaps we'd get the munchies and eat all the pizza."

"Yes we can rent a movie - a comedy or something neither of us have seen, sit on your couch and consume pizza until we fall asleep."

"When are you free?" Emma asked hopefully.

"Anytime. I love you and if that means spending more time with you, finding new things so be it." Sean says Emma moved from sitting up to resting her head on his comforting shoulder, "I was right that you felt the same."

"Sometimes I'm just really guarded. Since things happened I suppose." Emma said not moving from where she was closing her eyes and letting out a sigh, "or just maybe I talk too much and my real feelings show. I just feel like I can't lie to you though. Keeping feelings that strong is super hard and I don't know how I'd done it for this long."

Sean nodded, "I know the feeling myself. I can understand why you keep walls up. I just thought you should know I keep walls up with everyone but you."

"Why me?"

"Because you always believed in me, even when I didn't believe in myself. That's why I thought you were perfect, and I still do even now. Nothing you could do could make you imperfect to me." Sean took a second to collect that Emma was here, he was in her home she was lying on the couch next to him with her head on his shoulder, he's never felt closer to her before yet there are things he'd love to tell her or more or less would love to get off of his chest so he could reach full happiness. Things happened while he was gone and he can't tip toe around them on a count of true love, things that had nothing to do with his love or his feelings.

While he was in basic training fresh of the heels of him leaving Degrassi he met a guy named Shane who was a guy who had never been away from his family but only a few days. He was married to a girl named Beth and he had a daughter named Sarah. Sarah technically wasn't born yet but that's when asked to come to training so he was super concerned with being away from his wife. At the time, Sean was dealing with the loss of Emma after leaving for the armed services.

They initially bonded because their bunkers were close by and they tended to do things together because their last names correlate each other in the alphabet in terms of Cameron and Calson. He hadn't truly thought of the good times with Shane since the last time he saw him mostly because he tried to block all of it out. Something tragic happened to him and he happened to witness. He had been torn up about but he simply refused to acknowledge it because if he were to remember it would hurt all over again. He was his best friend and now he's gone. In retrospect, Sean never thought he had much of a selection of best friends. Before Shane there was Craig, and sure he and Jay were friends but never best friends.

Shane was a few years older than Sean. He took a few stabs at college but mostly quit due to a lack of motivation and moved back home in Ajax and decided to start a family and signed up to serve but didn't expect the time frame to be so close together. He was braver than Sean and served as a sort of mentor to Sean. When it came to thinking positively instead of being down because in his words, "it's always easy to kick someone when they're already down". They had this mutual respect for one another and not to mention all the guys liked Shane it wasn't just Sean he was an inherently good guy. Shane was the person that really was close with Sean when he was far away from his friends and loved ones and Sean helped with his separation from his girlfriend and unborn baby. He wished that he had got to see him through but unfortunately there was an awful accident.

Sean's mind returned to the present and where he was and he wouldn't trade that for anything but they both couldn't deny that it was getting late. Even though they had both tried to stay brave and tough out the night visibly they both were tiring out. Emma's eyes closed once more followed by a yawn as she asked him, "Can you just stay here? Tonight you could right?"

"If I stay," Sean paused and sighed audibly before he closed his eyes which he struggled to keep open but there was one thing he wanted to do before he sailed off to sleep which he felt like he could do at any moment. Seconds later he blinked his eyes open and looked to Emma who had just reopened her eyes, "If I stay I'd probably want to kiss you."

The words escaped her lips without a single thought, "I wouldn't be totally opposed. Take it however you want to take it."

Sean was quiet they just watched each other for the next move, Emma snuggled closer to Sean so that her body was within in the curve of his, they were silent just looking at one another wishing one would take the initiative. He whispered hazily, "I don't want to stop seeing you now or ever." Within seconds he did it, Sean crashed his lips into hers with the likeness of a moving car. Emma was drowning in the warmth of his strong arms bound tightly around her body as he kissed her.

He threw her head first without harm on the pillow they had been half halfheartedly tossing between themselves for the past few hours with the force that she took in gladly and willingly, his hands caressed her head from below as he gave into everything he had held back in their time apart. It was soft and slow like always but with so much feeling and infinite passion. Minutes would've come and gone and they'd still be in no hurry to be coming up for air giving anything to perpetually exist in that moment, within that kiss for all eternity for the rest of their lives - forever. As they continued kissing Emma wrapped her arms around him pulling him even closer to her for warmth, for the closeness to be enhanced her teeth lightly bit his bottom lip that beamed with delight when she finally released it. Sean looked into her eyes as she reopened her eyes, she smiled at him and he smiled back, Sean placed his hands upon her cheek, Emma placed her hand on top of his hand, with all the things she could have said she just whispered, "That was amazing."

As the pair lay happily holding one another close they suddenly were interrupted by a knock at the door. "I'll be there in a second." Emma called as Sean moved aside to let her by to answer the door. He sat on the couch and waited for her turning around to see Emma and whoever the assumed guest was.

"I wonder who that could be?" Emma questioned him but he was at a loss for an answer. She was somewhat startled she hadn't been expecting anyone. She quickly sprung up from the couch they had laid on. She shrugged as she walked toward the door.

Emma heard a loud shrill squeaking scream with excitement and a familiar face, "EMMA!" the voice shrieked before adding "Are you surprised to see me?"


End file.
